Storybook Perfect

Always quirky, sometimes sweet speculative fiction

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Sneak-Peak: Keys, Clocks and Quests

I really do wish I actually had a final title for the novel before putting up sneak peaks for it, but I still haven’t quite finished the first draft, so that’s not happening(it’s usually sometime during the second draft or later that a good name finally comes to me). However I love this passage and want to share it. It’s a fight scene involving the protagonist and his best friend/perhaps more against a horrific beast.

Without further ado, enjoy this scene from chapter 6:

Battle With A Butengram

Hayd followed Even, placing his feet just as the young monster hunter had taught him. He kept his eyes on everything, looking for signs of prey, his bow half drawn just like Even’s.

Even moved like a spirit, ghosting through the wood with silence and speed that belonged more to a Shain than to a human. He stopped, feet well grounded and raised his bow, aiming for something Hayd couldn’t see yet.

Hayd stepped forward to try and see what Even was aiming at. Whatever the creature was, it was unlikely to be a bird from the way Even was aiming at roughly his own shoulder height.

A twig snapped underfoot as Hayd shifted his weight to his toes and sighted the deer.

The deer’s head jerked up, large dark eyes looking straight at where Hayd stood. He tried to freeze so the deer might think he was merely an unusual tree. The deer clearly possessed more intelligence than that, because in the next instant it bounded off into the bushes.

“Well Light-foot.” Drawled Even. “There goes probably the best meal we would have enjoyed between here and Elta Capa.”

“I’m sorry.” Hayd let his shoulders slump.

Even’s head snapped up and turned slightly, his eyes staring into the bushes beyond Hayd. There was more than a passing resemblance between Even and the deer.

“Get up the tree now.” Even whispered.

“Huh?”

“Tree. Climb, now!” Still a whisper but the urgency twice as powerful.

Hayd still didn’t understand, but he grabbed the low hanging branches of a camphor and swung up, clambering up another branch as Even sprang up after him.

As usual Even was quick, quiet and agile, several branches above him in moments. Even paused, seated carefully in the fork of a branch, re-nocked his arrow and drew the bow, aiming for the ground.

Hayd looked down and saw nothing.

A snuffling noise, thick, bordering on a growl announced the beast. A long hog’s nose wriggled, scenting the grass. The bulky beast held its hairy weight low to the ground, six legs keeping its belly from sliding along the grass.

Upon reaching where Hayd and Even had stood only moments before it sniffed with extra enthusiasm and looked about from side to side, the rolls of fat on its neck limiting its movement. It sniffed again, slower, as if savouring the scent. It snuffled along the ground nearby, searching for the continuation of the scent, unable to understand where this captivating new scent had vanished to. It looked about again, grunting all the while. It tried to lift its head, but was incapable of looking directly above itself, where the prey it wanted hid. Hayd breathed a sigh of relief as quietly as he could.

The creature snuffled the air, such deep breaths they sounded like a reverse snarl. A bird in a nearby tree took flight startled by the noise. The sound of flight snatched the beast’s attention only momentarily, it drew in more breaths and stumped its way over to the tree trunk.

Snuffle-snuff. It sniffed the bark, the end of its nose bumping chunks away. It had the scent. Ponderously it lifted its forelegs onto the trunk, propping its body so its beady dark eyes, all six of them, could catch sight of the tasty morsels in the tree.

The beast’s cry was like a horse’s whinny, but thick with malice. The long sniffing snout opened like the maw of a crocodile, bristling with fangs.

A cry tore itself from Hayd’s chest and his muscles stiffened through out his body.

Even showed no such tremors. He fired the drawn arrow down, but missed the goal of the soft interior of the mouth. Instead the arrow head drew blood in a nasty gash along the beast’s cheek. It shrieked, the noise horrendously like a woman’s cry. Thick, bristly brows wriggled and set low. Even swore.

“What is that?!” Hayd wished he didn’t sound quite so high pitched.

“Butengram. Female by the looks, which means we’re for it if we can’t kill her.” Even was already nocking another arrow and aiming at the whinnying beast below. “In fact, the way butengram feed they’re a danger to their own environment. I’m surprised there was a deer left around for you to startle.”

The arrow flew, sinking into one of the butengram’s eyes.

She reared, shrieking that human scream again. Even drew another arrow from his quiver, shifting his weight as he did so, wrapping his legs tight around the branches of his fork perch.

“Hold on.” Even advised, aiming with care and waiting for the thrashing to stop so he could gain a clear shot.

The butengram slammed its front hooves into the tree trunk. The whole tree shook with the fat beast’s force. Hayd screamed again as he was jostled from his seating. His hands were scraped by the rough bark as he caught the branch that he, only an instant ago, had sat on. With great strength he kept his legs from hanging low, pulling them up and wrapping them around the branch as well. Through every inch of him he could feel his pulse pounding.

Though he did not see it he certainly felt another rear and stomp on the tree trunk. The wood splintered beneath the force of the hooves, the powerful scent of camphor rushed up and flooded his nostrils. There was also a reek of rotted meat, rising out of the gaping mouth of the beast below.

The world shook. At least to Hayd – hanging from the branch for dear life – it seemed to. He pulled himself close enough to the branch to feel the bark scratch his cheek.

A twang sounded, letting him know another arrow flew from Even’s bow. Another horrid scream followed a thick, meaty thwump as the arrow sunk into its target.

Taking advantage of the small gap in the butengram’s attack, Hayd swung back up to sit atop the branch.

Looking down at the butengram he felt his stomach clench. The beast weighed ten of him easily. Even’s arrows, lined up closely along the eyes of the beast, did nothing to lessen the visual ferocity of teeth and hairy leather bulk.

Even swore from his perch above Hayd, and Hayd looked up. “I can’t nock and draw fast enough to shoot inside its mouth.”

“I can help.”

“Your arrows are on the ground.” Even pointed to the splintered remains beneath the butengram’s hooves with his arrow head.

“I can borrow yours.”

Even glanced to the quiver. “I only have three left.”

The tree vibrated again, but Hayd kept his saddle this time. Even rode like a rodeo expert.

“I can do it.”

“You’ll be under pressure.”

Hayd scowled. Did Even think he couldn’t do it? He might not be much of a hunter yet, but he was a warrior damnit, a bit of pressure wasn’t going to affect him. He hoped.

“Fine then.” Called Even. “Catch.” He tossed one arrow down. “You aim for the eye as soon as you see an opening.”

“Why not the neck?”

“Skin’s too thick on top, only soft right near the bottom.” It was unusual to hear Even speak improperly. It was the most potent proof that they were in real danger. During the fire-water slaven attack Even had still managed to speak properly the entire time.

“Ok, so eyes.”

“Yep, I’ll aim for the mouth, when it opens it’s a harder target.”

Hayd nodded, and aimed with care, reciting mentally every tidbit of advice Even had given him about archery. He bit his lip and shot.

The arrow sunk into an eye. Hayd couldn’t keep his cheer in, though the sound of it was utterly swaddled within the butengram’s scream.

Even’s bowstring sung again, followed shortly after by a swear word so nasty Hayd had always been told the word came from the Shain and could be used to summon their ire. He looked up to Even with a paling face for the word’s use.

The butengram was still screaming.

Hayd turned back to face the monster.

Even’s arrow sat wedged between two fangs on the top jaw, buried in fleshy pink gum. His heart faltered. He could understand why Even had used that word now – they already appeared to be Shain-cursed.

The hooves pounded the trunk again. The splintering, tearing noise louder. The tree swung away from the offending hooves, but did not spring back as before. Even cried with horror, his own scream a girlish in its pitch.

The butengram wailed, thrashing her head, stomping her back four legs in rage while blood striped the side of her face.

Hayd felt like his mind took a step back and out from his body to survey the scene. The tree trunk broken, leaning back. Would those hooves strike two more blows before the tree was felled, or only one? Even was struggling to regain his seat, still gripping his bow, the last arrow in his other hand.

“Can you make the shot this time?” Asked Hayd.

“How will we get the mouth open?”

“I’ve got it.”

“Hayd, no!” Even’s terror was genuine, but Hayd was already shifting his weight. His sword scraped from its sheath and he took his own sort of aim as he hurtled himself toward the neck of the butengram.

Even’s scream faded in Hayd’s ears, not because it actually silenced, but because Hayd was so focused.

He was running a gauntlet straight into the realms of the Shain. The reek of camphor made his eyes water, but it was gone in an instant as the smell of unwashed carnivore slammed into him. He ran through the walls of scents, eyes on the beast’s jaws. They were slowly opening, no doubt intending to snap down on some part of him.

A sharp thrust with his left leg and a slight twist of his body and the straight ahead momentum of his body shifted. He would loose a lot of power now he had altered course, but all that power would have given him if he had kept driving forward would be a new home in the butengram’s stomach.

His feet fell into the grass and he ignored the jarring, bending his knees to try and accommodate it somewhat, then used his bent knees to propel him, allowing himself to spring in, this time from the side.

Once the revolting smell of dirt and meat and sweat and sick was all around him – smothering him like the sinking bog had tried to – he thrust the blade at his side forward with all the strength in his arms.

Skin tore. The flesh on the butengram’s neck resisted. It was thicker than leather, tough like Hayd imagined armour might be, but it yielded. Skin tore and crimson leaked out. The bright blood drenched his blade, it splattered his hands, coloured the grass. Skin tore and the butengram raged. She raged with her voice, crying louder than before, loud enough to echo through the forest with vibrant power. A hoof flew and Hayd lost his breath when the limb connected. The force of the kick flung him back, tearing the sword from his hands while it stayed buried in the rolls of the beast’s neck.

Hayd hit the ground. The force would have pushed the breath out of him had the hoof not already done that job. He skidded through the grass, his clothes gaining green and brown streaks in his progress.

He couldn’t get up again. There was no breath and his body was nothing but pain. He could hear the screaming of a woman. As the shrieks faded to nothing he realised those were not the cries of a woman, but the butengram.

Even’s face, haloed with his bizarre hair sprung into view.

“Hayd, are you alright?!”

Hayd croaked.

Even chuckled then asked, “Were you turned into a frog?”

“Don’t laugh at me.” Hayd wheezed, slowly rolling onto his side, raising himself on one elbow while his mid-section throbbed with agony.

“Should I get Mannandam? Do your ribs hurt? Are you getting your breath back?” Even dropped to his haunches like a puppy and watched Hayd with shaking hands.

“My breath’s coming back, but I hurt like a Shain cursed me.”

“Shain don’t actually curse people you know.”

“Really? Met many?”

Even chuckled again. “None I suppose.”

“I’ll take that healing, as long as there’s no more of those ghastly beasts around.”

 

As always I’d love to hear any feedback, though if you dislike it please do tell me what you dislike about it – it would be much appreciated! I’m particularly interested in whether the name Even makes people want to stab me in the face with a pen or not.

February Goals Round-Up

February was not quite the raging success that January was, but it was not a total wash either (if you need a reminder, you can see my original goals here and how awesome January was here).

In the newly added learning goal I have read two books on improving my craft, ‘The Elements of Style’ and ‘Self-Editing for Fiction Writers’. I also attended two webinars and went to my writer’s group and got some amazing feedback (you can read about my reaction in this post). Finally – in the last minutes (OK, not minutes, hours more like) of the month – I joined Holly Lisle’s 7 Day Crash-Revision Workshop. I would have loved to have had the money for her full How To Revise Your Novel course, but alas and alack not this month. (Side note: Holly’s courses are great, I’ve done one of her big ones (How To Think Sideways, now available as e-books) and several of her smaller ones and recommend her to anyone looking at courses on writing. No, I’m not an affiliate, just a happy student.)

In actual creation I made a flash fiction, ‘Eyes on The Sky’, but birthed nothing else new. It isn’t my greatest work to date, and I definitely need to go over it again, but I don’t want to pull it down either.

I started converting the Kindle edit of ‘Written by The Stars’ into the Scrivener file, also did editing and rewrites for my short story ‘The Beauty of the Dance’ and ‘The Wyvern’s Sting’ based on awesome feedback from beta-readers.

I submitted a horror/supernatural piece called ‘Brown Paper Packages’ to my writer’s group for critique after tiding it up, but it was an older piece I went back and cleaned, not a new creation.

I could have done a lot more, even though there was severe back pain, broken down cars which needed parts from France (I know, France? Seriously!?) and relatives moving into our house (and taking up our junk room so aaaaaall that junk needing to be relocated and organised), but also there were things I did instead of writing that weren’t so justified, like playing Ni No Kuni and finishing my 1,000 piece puzzle. So this month I am determined to put in more effort.

At least until Atelier Ayesha comes out ;p

Australian Spec-fic Authors Challenge – February Round-Up

Not the cover of the version I'm reading, but the cover of the first version i read. Kicking early 20's Kirstie for selling it to a second hand bookstore.

Not the cover of the version I’m reading, but the cover of the first version I read. Kicking early 20’s Kirstie for selling it to a second hand bookstore.

For the February portion of the Australian speculative fiction authors challenge I decided to re-read and catch-up on the more recent volumes of Isobelle Carmody’s Obernewtyn Chronicles. I had high hopes of reading most of the six volumes currently out so only one or two of the books would spill over into March. Unfortunately I read several other books as well, so only managed to finish the first three volumes. You can read my reviews thus far: Obernewtyn, The Farseekers, and Ashling.

The Obernewtyn Chronicles focuses on Elspeth Gordie, a Talented Misfit with a great destiny – to prevent the world from suffering a second apocalypse. First she has more to do though, like saving other Talents and guiding them to the one safe place in the Land for them, Obernewtyn, as well as keeping Obernewtyn safe for the tyrannical Council, fanatical Herders and more.

Destiny is constantly dragging Elspeth all over the Land and she soon learns she is involved in more than the one prophecy she originally knew of.

I’ve loved these books for years, since reading them as a teenager. Elspeth is a wonderful character, but an enigma to someone like me who is so open and quick-to trust. The traumas of her orphan childhood have led her to find it hard to accept Obernewtyn as her home, and over the three volumes I’ve read so far she has yo-yoed between accepting she will leave forever and elation at finally returning. Similarly she struggles with friendships and blossoming love. At her core however she is still a character who will fight and risk her life even for total strangers, acts she repeatedly enacts.

I’m looking forward to finishing what is out of the series and am keeping my ear to the ground for a confirmed release date on the seventh and final installment (supposedly September this year, lets hope it is!).

The Wild GirlAs for next month’s read (which I’ve cheekily started this month already since I received an ARC) I’ll be reading Kate Forsyth’s The Wild Girl, which is a story about Dortchen Wild, the girl who grew up next door to the Grimm Brothers and who told them many of their stories.

Review: Ni No Kuni PS3

Ni-No-Kuni-LogoSince Ni No Kuni has been greedily gobbling up all my time (or more accurately I haven’t had the resilience to do much but play it in my spare time) I thought I should probably review it so at least I’m writing something. I’ll break my review down to the basic concerns most people have about games: graphics, combat system, storyline, post-game and replayability.

Artwork for Ding Dong Dell - the first town you visit in the new world.

Artwork for Ding Dong Dell – the first town you visit in the new world.

Graphics: I suppose for some people cell shaded graphics are not cool, but for fans of JRPGs and Studio Ghibli in particular the graphics of this game are brilliant. You feel like you are playing a Studio Ghibli movie (which is their goal and they certainly achieved it). Then again, in a world where Minecraft is epically popular you’d think graphics are less of a concern.

The beauty and imagination of the world, the appearance of the many towns, fields and dungeons you visit is something even a casual gamer is sure to notice. You really will feel as if you are traveling across an entire world during the course of your adventure.

Combat system: The combat system is fairly simple to use once you progress to the point where you have a familiar.

To simplify this, familiars are like Pokemon, lots of different fantasy creatures that fight on your behalf, can perform a set number of moves and you can eventually capture more as you fight them. That might sound like an insult, but I love Pokemon so please don’t read it as such. There are also many deviations from Pokemon, the capture method is more difficult and random for starters.

The glorious world of Ni No Kuni

The glorious world of Ni No Kuni

Not only does Oliver (the character you play as) have three familiars, but as team members join your party they too have familiars. You can switch control between your team mates as you please to use their own spells and abilities or those of their familiars, or you can just set tactics for the team. Tactics can be changed easily by which ever character you’re controlling in battle.

One frustrating thing with the battle system that started to irritate me more and more as I progressed through the game was the fact that when ANYONE (not just your opponent) used a special move unless the spell or special move you had just cast was at a certain point it was cancelled. Not just that, but you still lost the MP for the move and had to wait before you could reuse the spell/move as if you had successfully done it. This happens even when your team mates do special moves and it got to a point where in anything but boss battles I was giving tactics to not use abilities. This is my only issue with the combat system.

Storyline: Non-spoiler – Wonderful, sweet, heart breaking, at first glance may come off with a childish sheen, but upon deeper inspection is a great deal more.

concept art

concept art

Spoiler-tastic (do not read unless you have at least fought the Shadar boss). From the beginning we learn Oliver’s quest is driven more from a desire to revive his mother than to save the world. You might think me cold-hearted when I say this, but I didn’t want his mum to be resurrected. Certain deaths should be final (I’m not totally against all returns to life, just as long as they are handled well) and this death felt like it should be final. I put my faith in Studio Ghibli to not let me down and they did not. I was wondering how they would handle the Alicia/Oliver’s mother’s resurrection and they employed an inspired twist that was both not predictable and very clever.

I also adored how both the villains of Shadar and The White Witch were handled, not mindless villains but people who suffered intense despair and loneliness.

</spoilers>

Want to fly around a fantasy world on the back of a dragon? Yes please!

Want to fly around a fantasy world on the back of a dragon? Yes please!

Post Game: Post game is full of ‘golden’ versions of familiars to catch, extra tasks with great bonuses (which also reveal a lot of back story to the world which is interesting to know), supped-up bosses to re-battle, a new ultimate boss and plenty to do. I’m currently playing post-game now. You can also go to the Casino and unlock all the animated scenes of the game for relatively little in-game cost.

Re-playability: Personally, for time-strapped me, I probably wouldn’t play it again anytime soon. There’s no alternate endings and no option to play ‘new game+’ that I could see. However if I had a time turner or some such wonderful device I would definitely go back for more.

Trophies: There are no tricky trophies where you have to do a certain thing at a certain time early in the game that you can miss and be frustrated about. Very grateful for that. All the trophies are achievable, but several require a high level of time and patience. Platinuming the game is not impossible, but I imagine will take 80+ hours of game play.

Overall: A very fun game, not so complex you couldn’t let a child play, but with enough depth to the story it isn’t tedious for an adult. I strongly recommend this for RPG fans and anyone who loves Studio Ghibli. Also contains zombies at one point, who doesn’t love zombies ;p

Not good for productivity when in the house of a writer.

The extra-packed limited edition I bought.

Magnum Opus

I have finally completed my magnum opus. Well, sorta ;p

Kiki's Delivery Service 1,000 piece puzzle - complete at last!

Kiki’s Delivery Service 1,000 piece puzzle – complete at last!

I have finished the 1,000 piece puzzle I bought in Japan and started when I was pregnant. To be honest, I’m still shocked at the fact I have finished it, when I put it aside during early labor I assumed I would never get back to it.

This just goes to show you can go back and work on old projects and finally complete them. Writers and artists, prick up your ears. If you have passion for something, as long as you truly want to, you will find the time to finish your magnum opus, even if you only manage one piece of the puzzle every few days.

First Blogiversary

Wow. So one year ago I posted my first post. My blog is now a year old and I’m somewhat bemused that I’ve managed to stick with it this long.

Happy birthday Storybook Perfect, here’s to many more years to come.

A Very Quick Update

The Wild GirlLucky me, I won a copy of Kate Forsyth’s latest novel, The Wild Girl, and it just arrived. I’m super psyched to read it, but my problem is, between finishing Ni No Kuni, reading The Obernewtyn Chronicles and then Atelier Ayesha arriving in early March I have NO idea where I’ll find the time for everything. #firstworldproblems

Oh yeah, I’m on twitter now too ;p

In all seriousness though, I’m going to finish Ashling (I’m halfway through) and get straight onto reading The Wild Girl so it can be reviewed in time for its official release. I also intend to review Ni No Kuni (though I imagine most people interested in the game would already be playing it).

A fantastic game, review to come

A fantastic game, review to come

And The Winner Is…

Thanks to the power of a random number generator we have a winner for my first giveaway. Congratulations Angela, I’ve sent you an email asking for your postal address, so please send that through so I can post you your prize 😀

Sorry to everyone who didn’t win, I wish I had enough money to give books to everyone. I’m looking forward to doing another giveaway soon – though I don’t know when.

The One Goal I Spaced On and My First Giveaway

When I made my goal list for this year (you can read them here) I spaced on an important goal.

A very important goal.

Learning.

A small collection of writing books

A small collection of writing books

Of course I had intentions to learn more through the year. I had a goal I didn’t publish of ensuring I submitted a piece every month to my critique group and a thought of perhaps finding a second critique group so I could be critiquing and getting critiqued more than once a month. I also have ordered and downloaded some more books on writing and self-editing. My dream is to have enough money to buy a professional manuscript assessment/edit sometime through the year.

Somehow I forgot to make myself accountable for my goal to learn more.

I want to be a better writer. I want to see my stories published. My deepest desire is to one day have someone tell me they have a crush on one of my characters.

I’m going to learn and grow as much as I can this year.

What do you want to learn or learn more about?

The prize!

The prize!

Now, for a bit of fun and to help promote some learning I’ve decided to do my first giveaway (yay!). I’m giving away my spare copy of Elizabeth Lyon’s ‘Manuscript Makeover’, a great book on self-editing and revision which gives many tips to help you improve your writing in general as well. For anyone concerned, this is an unread copy, I have two due to a gift giving mix-up and I’ll be keeping my well-read copy for myself.

The winner will have to be willing to provide their postal address to me so I can send the prize when the contest is over. Without further ado, behold: The Rafflecopter!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

My Response To Criticism

spot the maniacSo, I’m a weirdo.

What’s led me to this realisation this time (I realise this fact anew on a regular basis) is my reaction to my critique group’s feedback yesterday.

When I submitted ‘Groundskeeper’ last year it was well received and one person (whom I quite admire as a writer) told me with a little bit of tidying I would probably be able to get a magazine to publish it. I was chuffed, but didn’t action the changes for a few months.

Yesterday I had another piece reviewed. This story was also generally well received, but this time with some stronger criticism. The feedback was constructive, coming with examples and is something I could action not just in this individual piece but across my writing as a whole to improve my quality. I came racing home, eager to work not just on that piece but on other projects too and see what I could do with this feedback.

In summary – one piece got told it was great, didn’t need much work, took forever to get around to it. Another piece received more criticism and I rushed home, excited, unable to wait to get to work.

I’m a weirdo.

But maybe the sort of weirdo an editor would enjoy working with ;p

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